I watched Eat, Pray, Love again last night. The first time I watched it was Nov. 2010 when I felt like life was ending and I couldn't see that 2011 would even happen at all. I was totally stuck--feeling unhappy with myself and my life. I felt like there was more to experience and create but I couldn't do it from the rut in which I was standing.
I feel like my life parallelled the journey depicted in E,P,L over the course of 2011. Even though I didn’t leave the country in search of culture, zen or gurus, I did leave my family, my business and the only life I've known as an adult in search of a greater knowing about my self. I needed to discover the deepest desires of my heart and answer the question, "what do I want to do with the rest of my life?". I left to reflect on the lessons I’ve learned so far and to write about my life to this point. I desired to know what it was like to be alone and not be lonely. I needed answers to questions about my worthiness to receive abundance, gain confidence that I am good enough just being me and to know that my ideas and passions have merit on the terms I set. I wanted to rid myself of an ego that easily paid heed to the fearful noise of the world and find the still, small voice in my heart that would be my authentic guide to personal fulfillment.
What I learned is that the questions to which I wanted answered only became questions when my former social conditioning taught me something contrary to the intention for which I was created. There was a stark imbalance between my personal beliefs about myself and reality. I'm not sure when those questions were answered specifically over the past 12 months but I have noticed that I have received more than an understanding of who I am--it's more of an increased "knowing". I noticed that when I stopped trying to fill my life with what was missing and instead set my intentions to create the life I've dreamt of, I began sensing a sure confidence and knowing of what I DO want. Now I KNOW that I am absolutely meant to receive abundance, that I have significance in the eyes of my creator (which is all that matters) and my ideas and passions are gifts unique to me and I am to develop them and use them to improve life within my circle of influence.
It's been one year from the time I really started living. Prior to this I was just waiting around hoping my life would create itself and tolerating poor choices I made years ago when I was too young and inexperienced to understand the consequences down the road. The catalyst for living was risk taking. One basic risk, that comes as no surprise but brings peace, harmony and balance to everything is to LOVE unconditionally. Unconditional love weeds out the unimportant. Loving this way wards off offense whether it was intended or not. Loving without expectation that it will be reciprocated is liberating. Caring so deeply causes me to step out of my comfort zone and draw others in. When I behave as though I have nothing to lose by loving so deeply the heightened energy is very noticeable. It's easy to send gratitude to even the toughest of teachers who have helped me get to this point. It's really cool to know that everyone who comes into my life are my teachers one way or another because we are all connected. When I embrace love, I tap into a higher vibrational energy that brings my vision and purpose to life.
Back in 2010 I couldn't see what I was supposed to do in 2011 but I felt like 2012 was going to be unbelievably great! This is THE year for creating new traditions, taking new risks and creating a new life!
0 comments:
Post a Comment