RECOVERY: IT'S A SPIRAL,NOT A CIRCLE

This is my new friend, Klara. 

We met while Cross Country Skiing with family. 

She addressed me in a recent email: "Hiya Miss Sparky T!"

That totally made me smile!

Klara very recently suffered the loss of a VERY dear loved one.

This was her first outing since her loss for any significant length of time.

I was impressed and I had to know more about how she was coping.

You see, I could identify with her because 

I suffered the loss of my mother last May.

I cried very little because I was "busy" helping her pass away peacefully.

I was busy packing up her personal belongings and preparing some final words for her funeral.

I was busy greeting family who were coming in to town to say their good-byes.

And then I was back on the plane heading home to re-enter my busy life of church, home, work, and family. 

I felt tired--no--really exhausted, but I just told myself that was to be expected from traveling.

Then I met Klara.

At the fork in the trail, Klara indicated she would head back because she was tired.

When others asked if she needed food or water, she said, 

"No thank you. It's more a matter of grief fatigue--but thank you anyway".

GRIEF FATIGUE! It has a name!

I knew EXACTLY what that felt like-- 

but I thought it was me just getting old and sentimental. 

I had been pushing away the urge to lay down and sleep. 

I was so exhausted that I was afraid I'd never get up again if I did. 

I told myself I had to keep going. 

I fought off the need to be alone and cry and cry and cry.

I was afraid to be that sad.

I consider myself to be tough, unbreakable. I don't fall apart like that. 

But I should have...not fallen apart but I should have given myself space-- 

room to do what I needed to do. 

It wouldn't have been showing weakness.

It would have been showing acceptance and appreciation for being present in the moment 

and taking to heart one of life's most poignant moments.

I was talking with Klara about the 1% and how it relates to grieving the loss of a loved one.

Her thoughts:

Grief spirals, it doesn't circle.

It's not an endless circle of grief, it's just progressive recovery an the upward direction. 

Sometimes 1% better is not classified as "improvement" but "appreciation" for the experience.

Each time the tears come around again you'll find yourself one level higher--

slowly but surely making your way through the ascent known as recovery.

Then her wise words again resonated with me, and I quote

 "[Grief] needs to be experienced. 

Tears and sadness and a full heart are not necessarily BAD things: 

they are part of life, and a sign of just how wonderful it has been so far."

BEAUTIFULLY SAID!

Life is wonderful; it is happy, it is sad and everything in between. 

The sad helps us appreciate the happy.

There must be opposition in all things to gain appreciation and true gratitude for the relationships we cherish.

Above all, though, we need to give ourselves the opportunity to experience life on every level.

I WILL find some time to grieve now. 

And then I WILL rest from the grief fatigue I feel all these months later.

Thank you, Klara, for teaching me that recovering from a loss 

is every bit a part of embracing life and experiencing the 1% on a higher level.

Love ya, girl!